Monday, April 23, 2012


Mare Serenitatis

Centrifuge Gymnastics – episodes of an extremely ridiculous hype by Anthony Loop

Episode 1 - “Come on, centrifuge, centrifuge. Come on, come on!” It was driving him crazy. The trainer’s screechy voice made him lose his concentration and he was new to these centrifugal exercises inspired in the Sufi whirling dervishes. They were the new hype. The gyms were packed with people wanting to gyrate tirelessly. Special prices were devised so everyone could experiment with the immensely peaceful feeling of rebirth coming from centrifugal forces. His friends had warned him. The centrifuge fun was not that fun when one lost its focus. And alas!, when he bumped his head against Mrs. St. Patrick’s mighty bosom and she in turn slapped him violently making him centrifuge all the way back to the weights machine, he decided that that was it for him. No more. “And go, and go, centri-fuge, centri-fuge. And go, and go, four more times! And one… and two…” He could just aim for the head of that trainer; the bottle he was holding filled with some liquid totally unidentifiable and green, he had had to buy to enhance the centrifugal effect, they said, looked pretty sturdy, or he could just…. Immersed in indescribable devilish thoughts, he totally missed a centrifugal Mrs. St. Patrick whirling in his direction at high speed, knocking him down head first into the gym mattresses and making him turn into a sandwich filling between the said mattresses and a pretty big Mrs. St. Patrick. Amongst all the commotion of a fallen amazon, yes because when he had been slapped no one cared, the centrifuge stopped leaving the high pitched trainer alone in the opposite corner of the room. No one noticed though that he was suddenly covered in a green slimy stuff. Good thing the centrifuge gymnastics hadn’t ruined his aim!”

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